


Balladic

by AikoIsari



Series: Grief [1]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Tamers
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Cross-Post, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-02-12 11:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2108124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her life was not worthy of a song, but she could not explain this to the creature before her. He lived to be in a song, to die in one. But she would be lonely if he died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Episode One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Tamers AU that operates under the premise of: "What if Juri was older when her mother died?" a challenge from my buddy remi. So I rolled with it. I'm not sure how far into the series I'm going to go, so we shall see what happens.

Episode One

The month before her fifth grade year, Katou Juri saw her mother's corpse.

The doctors had hidden her face, but Juri had held those frail hands many more times in the past six months than she probably needed to. She knew each tiny imperfection and line. She knew each remnant of a blood stain or a tissue fiber. Now, she just stared at their limp selves, unable to speak, barely to continue breathing.

_Mama?_

It wasn't that she didn't understand. Her mother had always been sick, before she was born, her photographs had caused her to appear shrunken, out of place with the rest of the happy, healthy children in school. Always a doll next to her bulk of a husband, and always an outline to her bright daughter. It had grown worse, that fragility of sickness, in the past few years.

So, in some logical, even primal part of her conscious, Juri understood very well. That part may even be relieved.

But this... this was her mother. This was the woman who had made the hand puppet she still carried in her backpack. This was the mother who giggled at bubbles even though she was older than her, and couldn't carry things across rooms because she was a bigger klutz than her own daughter, and sometimes had gotten paper cuts on chapter books because she wasn't careful. This was her mother who had sung lullabies between coughing fits and taught her the secrets within modeling clay.

None of this was going to happen anymore.

Why was none of this going to happen?

Her father, awkward as he was, barely managed to get her out of the room before she vomited over the tile, but not before she had heard a comment, a rather thoughtless comment.

"Perhaps this was just fate. My sincerest apologies."

Somehow, those words hurt more than the fact that her mother was gone. Was fate something equivocal to god?

It must have been, because her mother would have been here longer, much, much longer, if it had been up to her, who had always prayed to the powers above.

If it had been up to her, her mother would never have been sick. But she had been, and that was the end of it.

As she dry-heaved over the toilet bowl, Juri thought of the worn puppet she kept in her backpack. She hardly used it anymore, though she rarely kept it from her person either. It was a clumsily made toy, made by shaking hands with felt. But it had been her mother's gift, and parting with it before parting with her seemed wholly inadequate.

Now that she was gone... could she keep it still?

The idea of its absence, of both of their absences, made her stomach roil, though there was nothing in it. She stuck her head between her knees, wanting tears, wanting the emptiness that came with tears.

They did not come, no matter how much she sniffled and tried to recall the odor of sulfur dangerously close to her nostrils, no matter how many sad, sad things she brought to the forefront of her heart, her mother's smile kept eclipsing them and banishing the urge away.

"It's not fair," she said softly. "Life isn't fair."

She left the bathroom moments later, dry-eyed with a ripped-up honey yellow dress, and her father held out his hand. It didn't shake, but she guessed it should have been because her father-

_(never did enough, was always worrying but never doing, and she got it from him)_

was sad just like she was and wanted to cry like she did but they were both absolutely terrible at it. So they didn't cry. Instead they gave respectful nods and bows and murmured the right words until they were in the car.

"What do we do now?" she asked him on the way home.

Her father looked at the streets and away from her, out of fear maybe, or out of love. "We go home, and we prepare to say goodbye properly," he said in the quiet burr that made her think of bundling in thick jackets. "Then we get ready for the end of your vacation and you go to school."

She shook her head. "Just like that?"

"... That's all we can do."

Juri kind of wanted to scream at him, scream and tug at his arm and pull them off the road into a ditch that may even kill them. It wouldn't be so bad. She would be up in the heavens and able to yell at God and then be scolded by her mother for letting go so easily.

But would that last part be such a bad thing? She didn't know, she couldn't.

She still wanted to do it.

But... that was too risky. And it would hurt her father. And no matter how much-

_(he deserved to pay, he needed to say something other than that, not act like everything would be normal again because normal was on that gurney-)_

she hurt, hurting him would be out of the question because what if he lived? What if he lived and she didn't? He would be so sad and all alone and nobody deserved that.

And besides... what if  _she_ survived?

Then she would be alone. And destroyed, probably.

_If it all disappeared, you would be fine._

She ignored this thought because it didn't sound like her voice. She ignored it because there was no reason to listen to something that didn't sound like her, especially since she was so tired, and so cold. Juri still wanted to cry, but she decided not to... it would make her father stop driving... and they really needed to be home.

It wasn't a dream. She knew it wasn't one.

There was no point in wishing it was.

So she would sleep.

Outside the car, childlike voices would giggle and sing, flying over their car and making the power lines spark. And the tires would briefly bounce on the road as they passed through an odd patch of sparkling gravel. Juri would not notice, maybe not even care if she did. But something would spark, and in her tiny bag, something rectangular and blue would slip itself into her wallet and wait.


	2. Episode Two

_Episode Two_

The funeral happened on her mother's favorite type of weather: gentle sun, slight clouds, and a warm breeze. A peaceful day. It was perfect.

Except for the sobbing.

Juri didn't pay it much mind. Her eyes had dried yesterday, after the wake. Her father had not cried at all. She wouldn't dare disappoint him any further.

Though after today, she would never wear black again if she could help it. Even her ribbon was black.

Give her summer yellows and light greens again. Give her the hardy family colors again.

It was hard not to fidget, hard to not shift away from her father's strong hand near her arm, hearing the relative she had  _barely even heard of_ cry and whisper and make comments about things she could never even care about.

The only ones that registered were those of her grandfather, who was always rather stoic behind an old clock grin until now, but currently was weeping like the cement dam in his chest was bombed. She wished she could reach out to him, or at least offer a tissue, but her hands remained fisted in her lap, bunching the fabric of her dress. Her old grandfather had survived a war, and many battles with few wet eyes, but she was comforted by the fact that this was a field no one knew how to walk.

She didn't really remember when they had gone to see her body burned or really recognize that she was picking bones from ashes. The bones were not her mother. That wan photograph wasn't her mother.

Her mother was just memories of hacking coughs and sticky forehead kisses, proud sweaty fingerprints on her grade reports and sparse hours spent in the spring garden planting her mother's bulbs.

And yet...

_And yet what?_

Her fingers slipped into her purse, touching the coarse puppet felt and breathing deeply, as if there weren't tears trying to rise.

She finally reached for her grandfather's hand, and let him walk her home. When his tears tapered off, he was silent, and so was Juri.

They didn't get home for two hours, and that was okay because the sun was warm and the clouds were quiet and Juri thought she could hear mother's voice.

...

The rest of her vacation was a blur of learning new things she didn't realize were life lessons you learned at an older age until now.

The first was giving the right kind of smile, even when you didn't want to smile.

It wasn't hard, though she thought it would be the most difficult thing to do. Smiling when you weren't happy sounded like it would hurt your lips. But all it took to do it was to remember that someone else had to be happy for some reason, so you could use their reason to be happy too.

Soon, she became a master at it.

The second thing she realized was that her father was awkward with things like love and affection and had no clue how to raise her. He was a working father, and he was a kind father who tried so very hard, but he was still a father and still a man, and one of the first things Juri had learned from her mother was that men were so much more outwardly clumsy than women and it couldn't be helped that they didn't always get things right. So without much thought, she took over household chores and began learning how to sew.

Following a basic recipe, learning what to buy and how to know when to buy it... that was lesson three.

Lesson four was a failure, always a failure.

She could not stop mourning her mother.

It was easy to not think of the picture in the shrine, to walk past it like it didn't exist. It wasn't easy to walk past the closed door of too many story times in a dark room with painted-on stars. It wasn't easy to ignore the phantom beeps of too many machines and the clacking of dropped pills from clumsy fingers or wet coughs and sobs in the early morning and a constant changing of sheets and fake smiles passed over a dinner table.

The two of them didn't even eat dinner together anymore.

At least she still found comfort in the smell of flowers.

Flowers, cleaning supply scent, the blood from knife cuts at her fingers from a failed carrot cut.

She wanted to cut her hair, shave it off, but her father's eyes kept the scissors from her head.

She knew at night, when the drink was lower than usual and her father's door was shut, that she was a memory he did not want to have.

_He should have been okay with it, he knew._

Juri had known too, and look what a difference that made for her.

She loved her father. She loved him and his awkward forehead kisses as she turned off his desk lamp or his books sitting in front of her door. She loved the cookbooks left open each morning and the way he tried to smile at the stories she made up in the backyard despite being a big kid.

She loved her father, but she hated him too.

Because Juri was so very lonely and so very alone.

...

Sometimes she smelled women in their house.

They had strong perfume, walked with heeled shoes left primly at the entrance to their home. They would sit with her father and talk, and give her a polite little smile every time she passed. Business talk, tavern talk. None of it was interesting, not as much as work and quiet chopping and knowing the right smell of the beer.

"Papa," she would say as she left them tea. "Kazuhara-san finished inventory. The  _sake_  is low."

The woman's lips would always curl whenever she said anything pertaining to the work, and they would look at her father differently. And she would say nothing more, do nothing but smile.

She was supposed to be a nice girl, a pure girl who stayed out of the way.

Juri knew better.

Her father needed her.

She would be happy if he needed someone else too... because there was only so much she could do on her own. There was only so long she could be alone. But did she want anybody else? Would they be good to her father? To her?

Could she have another-

No. No, no,  _no_.

No other mother, no one. She couldn't have another one, they died, they died too easily.

_Everyone dies too easily._

No.

She shook her head, scrubbed her face, banished the thoughts. She had to be strong. She had to be tough.

But girls were weak, women were weak. They couldn't be tough... could they?

Women weren't lions, were they?

_I have to try._

If she broke while Papa was still broken...

Juri looked at her puppet, the puppet she put in her mother's chair at every meal she ate at the table, and smiled. It was watery and weak and fake and it hurt to wear.

She went to her mother's shrine, and lit incense to the wan smile. Then, fingers shaking, she took her puppet and placed it below. Her fingers moved to the lighter, as if to burn it too, but.. she flicked her thumb at the lighter and missed. She tried again and her eyes misted over.

"Hehe... too soon," she murmured, and put it down. "I'm sorry, Mama," she said softly. "I'm trying. I'm  _trying..._ "

Too many lessons in too little time and no matter how well she acted there was no way she could learn them all.

"I'm sorry," she repeated at the sound of her father sliding the door open.

Then, pulling on a bright smile, she went to the kitchen to start the rice cooker.


	3. Episode Three

Episode Three

"Katou-san!"

The end of vacation brought about the beginning of the next term, and it could not have come any sooner. But at the same time, there was enough to do at home that she wanted, desperately so, to have another month. None of this showed on her face, however, and she gave the bakery boy a kind smile. "Good morning, Takato-kun!"

He was a good boy, a nice boy with red eyes who was a little shy but his mother made nice bread and never gave her a pitying,  _poor-dear-stuck-with-just-her-father_ look and his father knew the exact cream puff she loved on a sad Friday night and that put them on her list of people to smile at.

He barely managed to catch up with her, for she had taken up running in the last three weeks of her break, and enjoyed a greater burst of speed than ever before. "Did you have a good summer, Katou-san?"

For a moment, the angry words were at her tongue, but then she remembered,  _what happens at home, stays at home(1),_ and smiled, giving a polite, mannered shake of her head. "Very quiet, mostly. I spent a lot of time with homework and chores. How about you, Takato-kun?"

He flushed, possibly at the fact that she abandoned the use of his last name (2) (by his mother's request, otherwise, she would have been formal enough to continue with the polite gesture, even though his given name rolled off much better than that) and then shook his head himself. "Just played games with Kenta and Hirokazu... and helped my parents at the bakery... my vacation wasn't very exciting either."

"Is that why you're on time today?" The teasing note left her lips before she realized what she was doing or saying, though in that part of her mind that was happy to be back in school, there was relief in the mischief, a small safe haven. He flushed with guilt and perhaps even twiddled his thumbs a little. She didn't have to laugh, because the embarrassment in his face was earnest and seemed to do it for her.

"I-I'm usually rather punctual, Kato-san..."

"Except when you're playing that new card game, right?" They started to walk together, and she clasped her hands behind her back by formal reflex, turning back to hear his answer. She knew bits and pieces of the game, it apparently having had an utter boom in popularity since the conclusion of the second season only weeks before. Everyone wanted to have a Digimon, even if it was just on a small monitor, they wanted to be a  _Chosen Child_ too.

To be honest, Juri thought it was rather cute. Her mother would have liked it and encouraged her to play.

Takato flushed. " _Digimon_ is really fun," he defended, pink embarrassment almost brushing his ears. "I can almost beat Hirokazu now."

"But can you get higher grades than Kenta-kun on summer homework?"

Takato pouted. "Of course!" They laughed at each other for a moment, passing through the school gates. "Neh, Katou-san, have you played  _Digimon_  yet?"

"I've never seen a card," Juri admitted with a shy smile. She hadn't had much time to play or run around for anything but errands. She had passed display after display in toy store windows, seen advertisements of cards and the computer games. It would be rather nice to play, but her father needed her at the restaurant.

Takato, however, seemed to take this as the ultimate travesty. "R-Really?"

She twirled a piece of hair around one finger. "Really."

"That... that's not fun at all." He flushed as he trailed off, and Juri belatedly realized that there was probably a much worse statement that he could have said but didn't. They walked into the school building, finding their shoe lockers (3). Juri couldn't help but smile sympathetically at the look on Takato's face when he moved to untie his shoe and one of his bag pockets spilled out, revealing a small deck of green and blue cards. She moved to help him, only to be brushed aside by a passing student. She stumbled and almost smacked her head into a nearby locker.

"Sorry, Katou-san," Takato apologized, looking morose and flicking a reproachful look up towards the passing student, who hadn't even seemed to notice.

Juri only laughed a little more, and finished stacking up the cards. "It's a-okay," she said, standing up and wiping potential dirt from her dress. "It wasn't like I skinned my knees, did I?" She frowned, looking to check.

"N-No, of course not!" He took the cards from her gratefully. "Thanks! Hirokazu would have teased me for days..."

Juri straightened again with a small nod, going to finish untying her shoes and replace them with the slippers. She tried not to tap her foot as he meticulously reorganized each card to its proper place. But there was only so much patience she could afford to have when there was a morning assembly in ten minutes and they didn't even know who their homeroom teacher was!

"Takato-kun," she finally tried and he nodded hurriedly.

"S-Sorry!" He put the deck away and went to quickly change his shoes.  _His mother must houn_ _d him about that a lot,_ she thought to herself. A bitter bile rose up in her throat and she swallowed it because thinking in such a way would ruin her mother's smile.

There was nothing wrong with other people having mothers of their own, no matter how much she missed hers. Cursing them would not bring her back. Besides, who would dare wish to curse Takato-kun?

_Whoever cursed you, perhaps?_

That would be simply cruel.

"Ah, Katou-san?"

Takato was fidgeting as he walked. A part of her wondered why he hadn't fallen yet. Truth be told, Juri was a little concerned. It was a new year, was there really something to be nervous about?

"What is it, Takato-kun?"

He fumbled for words a moment. Then he smiled a little. "Are you free after class? I could, well, show you how to play." Takato then winced and raised his hands, adding a jumbled up set of words. "O-Of course if there's something else, we can wait, but I thought, that it would kind of be fun and-"

This time, Juri failed at muffling her giggles. "Sure, Takato-kun, I don't mind... if we can get to class first."

His smile widened and Juri thought for a moment that she had made his day a little. "Yeah!"

If he walked with a spring in his step after, she chose not to comment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) what happens at home, stays at home- A part of Japanese culture is an incredible focus on dignity and solving domestic or personal problems yourself and not bothering someone else with them. If Juri were to say something without express prompting, it would be considered rude and shameful.
> 
> (2) use of his last name- It's considered polite to refer to an acquaintance by last name (with honorific) until you get to know them better. That Takato's mother lets Juri call her son by first name is implying further closeness, but Takato continues to call her by her last name with a neutral honorific, to show his respect, and thus slight distance, from her.
> 
> (3) shoe lockers- in Japanese schools, students are required to switch their outdoor shoes for indoor shoes, which are sometimes provided by the school. It's for neatness, and to keep any outside dirt from cluttering the inside of the school.
> 
> If any of these concepts are incorrect, please let me know! I do my research, but any further help is appreciated!


	4. Episode Four

Episode Four

It was hard not to fidget through morning assembly. To stand for this long was easy, to not be  _doing something_  with her hands or with her feet or anything, that was very hard. Too many days having to be doing anything possible to keep her mind off of anything. She could try to listen to the principal, but she had heard nearly the same speech about three times before. She could probably recite it if she tried. She needed to think of something else, anything else.

Just not her mother, and not the fact that she was two years from graduating and going to middle school and heading towards growing up without her mother. With her father who she knew sometimes got drunk and always got lonely and needed her. Well maybe not her but someone and-

Oh darn it.

She wiped her eyes. Why was she crying more now? Her mother was dead and buried and burned and to be honest, probably should have been when she was five years old because she was not a stubborn woman but a weak one, just like Juri.

But Juri would be different. She couldn't control if she got sick, at least not all the way. But she could control her weakness.

She wiped her eyes with her thumb a second time, saw no trace of her lack of control, and stared resolutely up at the principal. She could do this. She would do this.

The man's speech ended after not much longer and the teachers prepared to take their classes to their homerooms. Their teacher tapped her foot as quietly as she dared, arms crossed, chin jutting to further emphasize her feelings over it. Juri looked up at her, privately pondering how long it would be before she became as tall as that, not to mention able to walk in heels like that.

Asaji-sensei was a very strict woman, but Juri thought she could be nice too. She had never had a teacher that was quite this disgruntled before though. She had fidgeted with her attendance sheet and muttered over the rules and generally seemed very harried, all within the span of the ten minutes it took to walk from the auditorium to the classroom.

"All right," the woman said, dropping her gradebook onto her desk. "If you don't understand the basics of your time here, I'm sorry, I'm not sure how I can help you." There was a groan from a few seats in front of Juri herself and something in their teacher's voice sharpened. "is there a problem, Shiota-kun?"

The last name basis tended to shift after the first term, but Juri squirmed, fearing that it wouldn't be the case this time around.  _Strict,_ she thought with a small inward giggle, casting her eyes towards Takato and his friends, Hirokazu was looking much like he needed to use the restroom instead of under the eyes of a watchful teacher.

They weren't precisely troublemakers (some of the time) but things could still happen and they would just so  _happen_ to be nearby.

"N-No, ma'am," he squeaked and his friend gave him a nervous smile. Their teacher sat down, apparently pacified by this.

"Good. Please wait for the bell before streaking out of here." She sat back at her desk and started to flip through her attendance sheet, then paused. "Ah, Katou-kun?"

Juri squeaked. "Ye-Yes ma'am?"

"I'd like to see you in the faculty office for a moment." The woman doesn't smile, something in Juri's subconscious concludes she isn't quite sure how to smile. Baffled and frightened (an all-too-familiar sensation from a rough few months before), Juri rose from her seat and followed the teacher, who snapped something about behaving themselves until the bell as she walked out. Juri couldn't help but glance at Takato as she left. His eyes were big and frightened and Juri quickly smiled to deflate it.

The walk was silent barring the click of Asaji-sensei's shoes and the murmuring from the other classrooms. "Are people really trying to teach lessons on this half a day," the woman said under her breath.

Juri frowned. She wondered how the woman could be so unenthusiastic. She was able to have a job and make money and work with kids and... oh.

Well, thinking about the women who frequently visited her father, she couldn't blame her after all. There could be worse people.

In the faculty office, Asaji-sensei sat down in the swirling chair and leveled her with a curious expression. Juri frowned, scratching one palm. She wished she had any clue what that meant. "Katou-kun," her teacher said after a moment of silence, voice brisk.

Juri jumped and stuttered out a simple yes, to which she watched Asaji visibly relax. What did she have to be so afraid of?

"Good," she said and Juri frowned. "I was just going to remind you that you are not allowed to have a job so long as you are enrolled here without extenuating circumstances."

Juri flushed. "O-Oh, no need to worry about that. I don't really do anything at home unless Papa really needs me, and I get no pay for it, so..." She had been afraid her teacher was going to express her apologies for the loss her family had 'suffered' just following her final exams. It was likely on her record by now, so she would have to know, but at the same time, Juri felt it wasn't her business  _to_ know. A rush of gratitude ran up the girl's face for a moment and she tugged on her red ponytail for a nervous moment.

Asaji-sensei nodded again. "Good," she said curtly. "Thank you. That was all. I... I do apologize for frightening you."

"No, thank you," Juri murmured, bowing her head as the bell rang. Straightening, she gave another quick bow. "Erm... have a good day, Asaji-sensei!"

"I, I will certainly try." The woman's stutter caused Juri to hide a smile. She could maybe deal with this too. She could be as strong as her father.

Juri hurried out of the office and nearly bumped into Takato, who jumped back in surprise. "S-Sorry about that!" He raised his hands defensively. "Is-is everything all right?"

It didn't take much to sort of lie. "Yeah, everything's fine!" Because it most certainly was fine. Her chest just hurt a little, but that could be blamed on growth pains.

Either way, she needed not to think about it.

"Are we still going, Takato-kun?"

Takato flushed pink and Juri blinked at him, puzzled.

"Takato's goin' on a date!" Hirokazu shouted as he passed and she watched his face turn red all the way to his ears.

Juri scratched her head as he yelled back at his friends, stuttering every half-a-word or so. "Sorry, Takato-kun," she said when he finally turned back, wiping his eyes. "I didn't mean to embarrass you like that."

Takato immediately shook his head, messy, brown fringe slapping his cheeks with nothing to hold it back. "No, just... Hirokazu likes to make jokes."

"He's silly," Juri decided. "We're just going to the game shop."

Takato nodded, a bit too quickly. "R-Right! Right! Let's get going then, Katou-san!"

"Yes!" Juri smiled a little more.

This would be just the distraction she needed.


	5. Episode Five

Episode Five

When Takato lost sight of her in the after-school crowd by the shops for the  _third_  time, Juri was tempted to offer her his hand so he wouldn't lose her. It shouldn't be this crowded in the first place, but it was the end of the first day. Any kid, any age, would want to savor those extra moments of freedom.

She decided against it at the last second because Takato looked so flustered as it was Juri feared he might spontaneously combust and that would be hard to explain to his mother.

"I'm sorry, Katou-san," he said, head bowed a little in the crowd so they could hear each other.

Juri tried not to giggle. "It's okay, it's all part of the adventure!" Seeing his eyes brighten with her little white lie made her feel much better. In truth, the crowded streets were making her uncomfortable. She hadn't been around this many people at the funeral, let alone just before her mother died. Though that was only a few weeks, it felt like months, years ago, like she had been locked in a box the whole time and was only just now able to get the lock undone.

They made it to the game store minutes after. By this point, Takato was possibly going to jump out of his clothes, he looked so excited. Was it for her or him? She really couldn't tell, at least not until he pointed to the side of the room that there were more kids than teenagers.

"There, Katou-san Look there!" She followed his eyes to where a small television screen was showing what looked like an anime. Unfortunately, she couldn't tell from here and without much though, tried to move closer. Takato hurried after her, grinning almost hard enough to split his face.

"That's the  _Digimon_ anime!(1)" he said before she could ask. "It's what caused the game to get really popular, along with the games! There are two seasons out! The first one is about these kids getting sucked into the Digital World and-"

"Takato-kun?" Juri held up a hand to interrupt, pointing to the shelves below the television. "What are those?" Plastic toys, rather like those virtual pets she saw one of her friends carrying on the way to morning assembly (How was she going to start talking to them again?), but it barely seemed like it would fit in a backpack pocket. How would it look carrying it around on your belt? Though, the yellow one seemed kind of cute...

"Oh!" He carefully led the way over, dodging small children carrying booster packs. "That's the computer game! I can't use it because Mom thinks it will crash the computer and she and Dad need it for work." He reached up to grab the one she had been looking at, and almost fell from a stray elbow to his side. She went to help and his face colored with embarrassment. He really seemed nervous. Juri scratched her head in guilt. She hadn't been trying to make him uncomfortable. He leaned back, holding the toy up for her to see in the box. "You actually get a virtual partner Digimon, probably one of the ones in the starter deck." He paused before he could fully begin to babble and held it out to her.

Juri took it and examined each part. "There's a lot of stuff in here... wouldn't it be cheaper to just get the deck?" She wasn't sure how much money she had... but this was really cute!

Takato nodded. "Probably," he admitted. "But it comes with more stuff when you get the online game, like bonuses you can order and the accessories that you have to buy anyway so your cards don't fall everywhere and all. Plus, some kids say the online game is really fun because they're connecting the whole world."

Juri hummed at this, turning the packaging over to check the price.  _With tax, it would be about ¥1500..._ (2) She reached into her wallet, Takato watching with undisguised anticipation. It had been a while since she had spent money for herself, and she always carried some in case there was a cute trinket she wanted to buy. She opened her wallet and blinked, puzzled. Right next to her yen notes was a blue card, snuggled there like it had been there the whole time. Or even longer than that.

She stared at it, puzzled, and Takato's big grin slowly shrank with concern. "Katou-san?"

Juri glanced at him and held up the card. "Takato-kun... is this a game card?"

Takato peered closer at it and shook his head no. "I've never seen it..." His brow furrowed as she counted out the money by reflex. "Maybe the cashier could know?"

She nodded, gripping both the card, and the toy, in both hands. She was curious now, a little wary, but curious. Takato beamed.

"You're going to get that one?"

She couldn't help but smile at him. "Yeah, then I can look all official and everything! She twirled the blue card between her fingers. It was smooth, not like the paper she expected, but almost like a strange sort of plastic. The more she held it, the more excited she became, like her blood was in a bigger rush than she was.

When she took the card up to the counter, the cashier merely shook his head at her, completely baffled. He rang up her item and Juri returned the card to her wallet, both curious and concerned.

Outside, she waited for Takato, looking at the bag in her arms with that same worry. If no one official knew what it was, and  _Takato_ had no clue what it was, should she really hang onto it? Maybe it was dangerous, especially since she had no clue where it came from, but it was in her wallet.

By her ears, someone giggled. She turned and almost hit someone. Apologizing, she looked around again, and the giggling continued, soft and just below her eyes. In the sun, the laughing voices sparkled and drifted away and she swore she saw hand like wings disappear into the nearby bushes.

"Katou-san!" Takato exited the store with his own paper bag. "Sorry, someone tried to steal my booster pack."

Juri blinked, turning slowly back to him. Her smile returned after a moment. "No, it's okay! It was crowded in there."

"Yeah, I bet that cashier's earning a lot of money." He paused. "Maybe I can work there when I get older."

"Your mother would have to disagree," she teased, watching his face fall comically.

He scratched his mess of brown hair. "You had to remind me."

She giggled, and in the back of her mind, she realized she hadn't thought of her mother even once.

Was that a good or a bad thing?

"Ne, Takato-kun, can I walk with you?" she asked, tugging at her ponytail and pushing the thoughts away. "I want to pick out a cake for Papa's birthday."

For some reason, he turned pink and smiled goofily all over again. "S-Sure! I don't mind."

Juri smiled and gestured for him to lead the way.

Her mother would want her to be happy. She didn't know if that meant she should be happy.

She wanted to try to be anyway.


	6. Episode Six

Episode Six

Juri made it home as the sun was beginning to set. The receipt crinkled in her hands with the toy (and the booster packs Takato-kun must have snuck inside) and she looked at the dark windows of their side of the building with surprise. He wasn't back yet? The restaurant usually kicked him out so he could have dinner at least before burning the midnight oil with everyone else.

Ah well, she wasn't very hungry anyway.

Deciding to check up on him, Juri went toward the employee entrance of their home, going past bustling shoppers and tourists in the same care you had to possess as a waitress. At least that was the idea her father informed her of. She opened the door and slipped her shoes off. "I'm back, Papa," she called to where he was at the line. "Do you want anything special for dinner?"

Her father turned from chopping fish and wore a wan smile. He did not reach to pet her hair, because his hands were covered in fish scales. Not that she would have minded, but the care was nice. "Welcome back. (1) Something with vegetables, preferably." Seeing the package in her hand, he frowned, stretching his face like the closing of a curtain. "What is that?"

Juri wondered if this was the frown of 'are you wasting your time with something silly?' or just earnest confusion. With her father, it was very hard to tell at times where his emotions came from. "A toy Takato-kun showed me today."

"The baker's boy?" Her father's face smoothed over and Juri widened her smile. "He's a good boy. Rather scatterbrained."

"You would know best, wouldn't you  _ossan_ (2)?" called a customer from his meal. The teenager's ear was none-too-gently twisted by his mother a moment later, preventing Juri from pouting and declaring her father was not "old" in any sense of the word, except maybe in spirit and that was a good thing!

Her father shot the boy a scolding look, then turned back to his daughter. "Go and head on up. I'll be there in a little while."

She knew the unspoken statement to mean 'save him something' and nodded, calling as she walked. "I'm going to use the computer!"

"Don't crash it!"

"Okay!" She wasn't even sure she would even get to the computer long enough for that to be an issue in the first place but whatever made him okay with this was enough for her. She went to the kitchen and started the rice cooker and boiling water and then went to the fridge.

As the rice cooked and the vegetables steamed, she went to the altar and lit, wafting out the smoke of the already used incense for her own. She rather liked these little cones of it Papa had found while shopping. It wasn't as traditional, but her mother had often doted on small things.

She talked to her mother in her mind, telling her of school and Takato and even the voices giggling near her on the way out of the store today. She never got any answers but it was enough to vent, even if it was just in her own head and not to the dinner table of three, like before.

Juri set the table and ate, covering her father's portion with plastic and hoping he would actually eat it and not leave it to go bad on the table.

Then, with an absurd sort of trepidation, she went to the brown bag and opened it, carrying a pair of scissors to snip through troubling plastic. In the light of her room, the yellow against the white was almost a dull orange and she thought it was rather odd-looking. At least it didn't look like a moldy banana. She set the device on the table and began to read the instruction manual.

After the first few minutes, Juri found herself giggling. This  _was_ like the toys her friends had, only with lots of fighting! That was so cute! (3)

Regardless, she kept reading, mostly to understand how to play the actual card game, because caring for the monster seemed much easier than caring for a child. Juri slowly unwrapped each booster pack, examining each card with care and casually writing down its stats and effects so she knew what she had. Juri knew little about rare cards or battling in itself, but she did know about keeping inventory.

Slowly, her eyes alighted on one card: that of a lion cub. "Wa-ah..." The muscles in its legs bulged in its crouching pose, one claw poised forward. "You look pretty powerful there... like some kind of hero..." She squinted for a moment at the text. "Rio...ru...mon?" Juri read it again. "Wait... Liollmon...?(4)"

After a few more rolls of it on her tongue, Juri decided it had to be Liollmon. She wondered if there was significance behind that name, aside from being a cool-looking lion, and set his card aside. She shuffled through the other cards and set them in a rubber band, deciding to talk to Takato about it the next morning at lunch. She wasn't sure if Takato was much of a strategist but if he could teach her the basics, that would be enough.

That decided, Juri looked at the toy on her desk, and the wire that could connect it to her computer.(5) Pulling the tab from the battery, she fiddled with it before turning it on. The screen lit up a pale blue and a yellow English letter "D" formed in pixels in the center. She watched it load with trepidation. The screen then went black and white kana (6) flickered on screen. She connected it to the computer and her screen puttered along to start the internet browser. The odd logo appeared again and new instructions formed.

" _Please scan your main deck."_

Simple enough. She went through the rubber banded deck and watched the card stats flash on-screen. Then, after a few minutes that almost caused Juri to just sleep through it, it said:

" _Are there any more cards you would like to scan?"_

Juri hesitated, then pulled the blue card from her wallet. It had a logo like the one on the screen from before, so... maybe it was just a secret thing she had picked up one day. She slid it into the reader. As the code went through, the device sparked suddenly and Juri pulled her hand back. The screen flashed between blue and white and black and Juri panicked.

"Did I break it?"

There was no answer, but the wild lights soon calmed and all her computer did in return was repeat the message from before. Wiping sweat from her face (how was she supposed to explain that to her father?), she clicked no and went on. She wasn't even sure she shouldn't just unplug the device and leave it alone after that little light show. Curiosity just kept pulling her onward, though, she supposed. It had been a while since she had felt curiosity but now it was like a flame to her fingers, all-encompassing and bright.

" _Please scan the card of the Digimon you would like to use in the game."_

"The Digimon I would like to use...?" She looked at the Liollmon card and smiled. Why not? It looked cool enough. She picked up the card and slid it through the card reader, hoping this was the last one. How did Takato do this for so many cards and not get confused? Well, then again, when Takato liked something, he tended to be thorough about it...

The card reader was quiet this time, until a simple message processed on screen. "Congratulations, your Digimon module has almost completed. Please leave your device connected to finish processing. This will take a few minutes."

Juri, in true child fashion, recognized that as meaning "this could be a while." She sighed, and decided to go take a bath.

Moments after she left, the toy's screen glowed a gentle blue once more. "Welcome, Tamer." flickered on the screen in white and little airy giggles peppered the air.

When Juri returned to the room half an hour later, however, the computer was dark and the room was silent. Juri smiled to herself and got ready for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) "I'm home!"... "Welcome back."- Not sure if I've covered this in other stories, but just in case. It's a common Japanese greeting for whoever is leaving or arriving in their home to announce as such and if someone's home with them, to acknowledge their safe return or implore them to be careful on their journey.
> 
> (2) Ossan- a rude way to refer to a middle-age male.
> 
> (3) Digimon V-Pets, like the one Juri has, were a spinoff of the Tamagotchi toy produced by Bandai entertainment, aimed more at boys. So yes, there's a bit of real world stuff involved here.
> 
> (4)"Ri-orumon?" "Liollmon?" The Japanese lack the sound of an "L" in their dictionary, and are more used to making "R" sounds. It takes a lot of practice for them to make the distinct sound. Romanized, Liollmon's name likely is made with the "L" sound.
> 
> (5) I'm only making a note here to reference the cord Shibumi and the monster makers used to connect Jenrya's D-Arc to the computer, and I'm guessing it came with the game Jenrya bought.
> 
> (6) kana refers to the first two Japanese alphabets, hiragana and katakana. By now, Juri is learning kanji, the final Japanese alphabet, but this is a game marketed towards a younger audience than her, so they may not include kanji for these kids.
> 
> That's it! Please read and review!


	7. Episode Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beat the block! I beat the block! This chapter's been stuck at half-finished for who knows how long, because I couldn't get the stupid fight scene to happen. Well, I did. It's short, though I did try not to do the anime fight, there is a specific reason I chose the Digimon that I did. Let me know how my Ruki is, she's a bit of a new one for me. Sorry for the delay, please read and review!

Episode Seven

Her dreams were hazy and hard to recall when she woke up properly the next day. Even as a younger child, Juri was no stranger to waking up frequently during the night, but she wasn't used to always waking and looking in the same direction like a metal drawn to a magnet. Once or twice, she thought she had seen it glow.

Even now, during her morning routine, Juri felt her eyes drawn to the toy on her desk, and the deck beside it in its rubber band.

 _I'm going crazy,_  she decided, this time thinking it in an innocent way, and not the one she had never put into words over the past few weeks. And despite that feeling, she still picked up the items and slid them into her leather purse, tiny though it was. After a moment of thought, the puppet joined them after a carefully voiced " _wan!_ " (1). Then, picking up her bag, Juri left the house.

"I'm leaving!"

The house didn't answer, because her father was already down at the restaurant, but she said it for the ghosts to whisper about and that really was enough.

She hurried down the sidewalk. It was fairly early this morning, so the streets were quiet barring a few vendors and the shopkeepers opening for the morning.

"I wonder if Takato-kun is at the park with the others yet..." She never knew. His mother did wake him up sometimes to help set up shop, he complained about it all the time...

"Good morning, Katou-chan!"

Broken from her thoughts, she waved as she passed a nearby shopkeeper, looking around at the sky and clouds that, to her eyes, were growing steadily grayer as she ran. There wasn't supposed to be any rain today... and the air didn't feel wet either. Regardless, it was getting harder and harder for her to see. Shutting her eyes, she stumbled on. It's not like seeing well could make a difference on a foggy day anyhow.

She lifted her head and opened her eyes again. "Maybe I should have looked at the weather report this morning..." But it hadn't been wet when she left this morning... so it couldn't have rained...

Dread began creeping into her throat, apathetically slow. She sped up, striding as fast as she could until she heard the bushes shift. Her stride slowed and Juri looked around. "Takato-kun?" She examined the area. Takato-kun had no idea where she lived. Maybe it was one of her friends.

Her friends were noisier than this.

A chill went up her spine and she began to move a little faster. She gripped the new toy tight in one hand, like she could throw it and it would make a difference. As she ran, she began to hear footsteps behind her. She couldn't really call them footsteps however. They were more like crashes, crashes mixed with the smell of rotten eggs.  _Mutant skunks?_

It was a weird thought, but it was worth thinking!

She looked around and whimpered, feeling panic rising up in her throat. She could barely see her hands at this point. Juri's steps grew more and more frantic until she hit something and almost recoiled hard enough to hit the ground.

A hand caught her wrist just before she could however, and she came face to face with a red-headed girl.

The girl peered at her through her sunglasses with a mild frown. "Hey," she said, without any particular venom. "What are you doing out here?"

"W-Walking to school." Um... it wasn't particularly obvious, was it? "B-But I heard a noise and it sounded like footsteps and is something burning?"

Makino Ruki regarded the girl she was holding up, debating whether to just leave her or not. In the end, despite her babbling, she had done the smart thing and gotten the hell away, all while trying to note her surroundings in the dark. In this fog... though how did she end up in here in the first place?

Really, she was gonna be late for class at this rate... her mother would get over it.

She pulled her D-Arc from her pocket and the other girl blinked at her, pulling out a similar device from her bag. "You have one of those toys too," she asked?

Ruki stared at her, torn between bafflement and exasperation. It wasn't a toy. It was a tool, clear difference. "Something like that," she said aloud, pressing a button. "Renamon," she called into it." Within seconds, she felt the kitsune materialize feet away. With her glasses, Ruki could see her with ease, but the girl probably couldn't. "Grab it." She pulled the girl to the side as Renamon flew by in a burst of light.

"What-What is that?"

Ruki almost smiled, almost. "Renamon, and she's hunting. Don't get in the way."

"Get in the way of wha-" She cut off her last words with a shriek as Renamon soared into view, dragging a flaming cat into view. A monitor burst into life above the D-Arc's screen and Ruki scoffed aloud. "Lynxmon. Armor type." She smiled. "So its flames are its armor, huh?" She peeked into her deck and slipped out a card. Lifting one, she slid it through with practiced ease. "Card Slash, Attack Plug-in B!"

Renamon dashed forward, spinning her foot back and kicking the lynx in the face. Spinning on her other foot, she struck again, then another, faster and faster.

Ruki only crossed her arms, and continued to watch, barely shifting when the girl beside her rose to her feet. She didn't miss the way those eyes flickered. She was never an expert at emotions, or people, or, hell,  _girls_ , but she knew what fascination was.

Hmph. She'd put a stop to that as soon as possible. There could be as many peasants running around as they wished, but there was only one  _Queen_.

"Fox Leaf Arrowhead!"

Ruki snapped her eyes up to see Renamon's attack stab into Lynxmon's back. It hissed and knocked her down, just as Ruki slashed another card. Renamon struck out with a claw. Ruki bit back a wince. That was clumsy. Was Renamon getting clumsy? Or was she worried?

They did have dead weight near them.

No excuse.

"Renamon."

There was no verbal response, but then, the girl hadn't really expected one. The kitsune vanished and reappeared into the air, blood dripping from one cheek. However, the fanged smile on her face distorted the befuddled one on that of her enemy. She spread her arms and the leaves flew for a second time, one between the eyes, another into the heart. The enemy burst into red, and Renamon's eyes closed, red energy turning to blue as it flew to the kitsune like metal to a magnet.

The other girl only continued to watch. "It just died... didn't it?"

Ruki glanced over. "Yeah," she said. "And Renamon's taking her fill, like she's supposed to."

"Like she's supposed to..." the girl repeated, eyes a bit glassy. Maybe that would scare her off. For a moment, it seemed like it would. Then the girl just smiled. "Amazing!" she said, eyes suddenly sparkling. "You two are so strong!"

"What."  _What?_

The girl ran to Renamon as she touched the ground. "You scratched your cheek. Let me see!"

Ruki shared a glance with Renamon, and then looked away.

It was only chance that she saw the flickering light from the girl's little purse.


	8. Episode Eight

She was too close to this. It didn't take much for Ruki to figure this out. She had saved someone's life and had thu put someone in her debt, which was horribly inconvenient. The smart thing to have done would have been to just walk away, walk away and leave the odd girl to go on with her life like they had never met, instead of continuing to let her follow her around.

Unfortunately, Ruki couldn't seem to do that. The girl didn't seem to care about her discomfort either. She followed Ruki for a while, even when Renamon disappeared from plain sight to hide in the treetops. She didn't need to be seen by some gawker and all. This girl's questions were the weirdest thing she had ever heard.

"Is she going to be okay?" the girl had asked once Renamon disappeared. Her eyes were like flames of their own. That much pure enthusiasm was a little nauseating to be honest. Lucky her that she hadn't eaten much breakfast.

Ruki's first answer was to shrug and ask who cared, but something held her back. It was probably how earnestly she asked the question, like it even mattered. Like data mattered. Sure it was working on running the world, but that didn't make it sentient."She usually is."

"What do you do if she's not?"

More annoying, uncomfortable questions. Questions that stabbed at her world view, at something already fragile. "She leaves," Ruki said. But Renamon hadn't left, like she usually did when things were over. She was sitting on a bough instead. Her ears were pointed up, and her gaze to the right. "What?"

"I am not certain." She placed a paw to her chest. "I feel… something missing." The fox rose up to her full height, and disappeared before their eyes. Ruki couldn't sense her at all, like she usually vaguely could.

The girl's gaze went wide. "Wow! She does that a lot huh?"

You would think the novelty of seeing a Digimon would wear off. Then again, it was her first time seeing one.

Ruki had never placed importance on it before. "Yeah..." It was so hard to find the cutting, damaging remark that would make htis irl leave.

"Cool!" The girl beamed. "Thanks again for saving me! I have to go to class now, but my name is Katou Juri. It's nice to meet you! Let's talk again!"

Before common courtesy could be observed (odd as that sounded) and Ruki could answer, the girl was gone. For a moment, Ruki was relieved. Then her brain caught up. She hadn't been able to ask about that glow in the girl's bag.

She… she would just have to have Renamon look into that later, or she'd run into her herself.

* * *

The cat let out a groan of pain. He rolled onto his back, then gingerly onto his paws, translucent paws at that. He touched his chest warily. He should be dead. He had felt his data being absorbed. It had happened, right? So, so why was he alive right now?

Well, he was in pain, but if he had to choose between pain and death, he could choose the agony. Every time. The worst of it was the headache. It was a headache of dehydration, or hunger. He needed to eat, but what he was hungry for, he wasn't sure. None of these grasses would heal his wounds. Human world grasses seemed to be low on nutrients. Only data could do that. Only data and power. Well, he was in no condition to get one, but perhaps he could get the other. He just needed to be like that fox, and become a parasite. The pain in his head seemed to soothe at the thought.

Excellent.

Slowly, carefully, he left the bush he had been laying behind. If anyone was watching, he couldn't pay attention. Nor did he notice the trail of blood from his paws.

* * *

Juri tapped her pencil against her desk, murmuring along with the teacher's lesson. To be honest, her mind was still on this morning. That fox creature from before had murdered the creature chasing after her, with ease! On the order of a girl just like her, no less.

Well, okay, it wasn't that simple, and yet it was. That girl was nothing like her. She was beautiful and focused. She was very strong, able to watch her Digimon (oh goodness that was a _Digimon_ , mom did you see that from where you are, that was a digimon!) defeat another and barely pause. Too bad she had run off without getting her name. Though that was because Juri had been… been what? Been where mentally? She could still recall the feeling in her stomach, the heady rush in her ears that was probably the blood. It was sick and had only grown when the Digimon had been beaten-

(No, no, killed. Dead is dead, remember?)

Because in that instant, in the instant that Renamon had begun to take her fill, Juri had felt so _warm_. Something had happened right then, and whatever was going on, whatever was being taken away there, she had wanted it so badly, it had parched her throat and spun up her steps.

Whatever she had done, it had scared her savior friend. And she had looked familiar, too. Looked like she was from posters or tournaments that no one went to that she knew except maybe Takato-kun and his friends and she didn't spend nearly as much time with them as she could have (and maybe should now, because Digimon were _real_ and _dangerous_ and what did that mean?) and maybe she could ask him if he knew a pretty, strong girl with Digimon cards and red, red hair.

Boy, that thought sure went on a super long time.

Her fingers went to her tiny purse in her desk, went to the toy nestled inside of it near her deck. Her cards now felt woefully inadequate if they were real. How would she protect herself? How would she protect her dad? Her papa was tough but Digimon clearly were tougher. As her hand closed over her toy, it began to warm. It was a little close to burning her hand.

Juri pulled her hand away and went back to taking notes.

For some reason, she felt a little nauseous again.

* * *

In a tall building overlooking Shinjuku, two women worked at their computers. One scratched beneath her visor, blinking to look at the beeping dot of a Wild One. "Coordinates locked," she said. "Megumi, can you check the news reports?"

"On it." Megumi's voice was muffled in her sleeve for a moment before she sneezed. Reika continued to keep her eyes on the signal. "It's moving again."

"Abnormally slowly too. Bio-Emerged tend to be much faster than this."

"It's too public to run in and capture, isn't it?"

Reika pinched her nose and went back to typing. "We still have to capture it. For the sake of the public, anyway."

That was how it was justified and as long as Yamaki believed that would be the case, so would she.

* * *

Juri gave up during lunch, and went to the nurse's office. The woman didn't seem to mind, but then, perhaps she was feeling sorry for her. She wished that would stop. It had been a month and a half. Juri was already tired of flimsy kindness. She just wanted honesty, or at least something without pity. Her mother had never wanted pity…

No, that wasn't true, was it? Her mother had, sometimes. She wanted to be weak sometimes, or for the illness to be real and accepted and not some arm candy that leeched off of her expenses.

Juri shook her head and closed her eyes. It was bad to think that way. Mom wouldn't want that.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

Then, in the front of the office, there was a very loud crash. Someone started screaming.

Her toy, gently resting in her other hand, warmed to scorching hot.


End file.
